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Before Monday…

Lets start off with Friday. Friday, I went with Michael to go golf n stuff; we went mini golfing. I did win by a lot because he sucks at mini golfing. I made two hole in ones. It was pretty awesome and to this day I still don’t know how in the world how I did it. That was pretty much my Friday.

Friday night, my roommate and I were bored so we went to IHOP; I had coffee and she had a milkshakes plus PANCAKES! We stayed there for a couple of hours and talked. It was very pleasant but when I got home, I couldn’t sleep. I neede to sleep because I had work at 9am. I didn’t got to sleep until 3 am.

Saturday was really busy.

Saturday and Sunday was family week so there was many parents everywhere. Anyways, I work at this diner on broadway and it was very retro kind of diner. It is pretty cool to work at. I work as a busser there and in training to be a server.

I work to 9am to 3pm. It was very busy and I was very tired. My whole body was aching and I still needed to go to the mall to buy a shirt for that night. Today was the big party night. We got to the party and it was fun. It was like a rave in a small apartment. We had to bring our own drinks to get into the party. Everyone else had to pay 3 dollars. However, we personally know the people that had the party so we werent goign to pay 3 dollars. It probably got raided around 1 am. That sucked. I guess it was good for me becuase I had work 8 am.

Sunday, was really boring. I just worked and slept. But I had to best pancakes at Chaffin’s Diner. I love them.

This is the part I wanted to talk more about…

Those who read my previous blog about suicide; today on Monday was a terrible day for people in my hometown. Early this morning, a guy took his life by hanging himself. I don’t know him personally but I know he had touched many people that he had came encounter with. I can’t write very much about him because all I know about him is that he was a bullrider and he had a girlfriend I knew before. I am not too sure if he was still with her but. I don’t know if he took his life because he had a big argument with this girl(girlfriend?). He was flown out to another town and he was on life support all morning until he had passed away today.

He is the type of suicidal person that didn’t show he needed help with what he was dealing with. No one could have stopped him, that I know because he didn’t show anything different about him with what was told to me.

I just don’t like seeing other people take their lifes. I know many people that would love to have their life back. However, I can’t blame them for taking their own life because they might have no one their for them. Therefore, I want to to let everyone that I am here for you. I will talk to you for as long as you want. I will listen and not judge. Please, don’t feel lonely out there. There are people that want to help you.

I hate that when I had this fun weekend with my friends, there was a person out there that was thinking about taking their life because they felt like they were left out of everything.

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Cheating?

I’m afraid he is going to cheat on me. He has this girl that he worries about and used to love. He works with her every day and it bothers me because all I can think of is them going behind my back kissing each other while no one is looking. I don’t hate her, I just hate how he lied to me about her. They would talk and talk all day when we were together. Does this mean he is not over her? I just need to know when to let go…

How do you trust?

I just had a friend come up to me and ask how in the world can you trust your boyfriend when he talks to other girls? I told her, honestly, I say to myself, “I am good enough, I am good enough”. I trust him to an extent. I have been cheated on every time I’ve been in a relationship. I want to trust him so much because I do see a future in us but I don’t want to worry about him when he is talking to other girls. I want him to love me and only love me and respect me.

He talks to other girls without me knowing and I am okay with that as long as I know he is not cheating on me. I know that is a risk to take but I want to take that risk with him because he might be my future husband.

When I am saying I am good enough, I am training myself to not be the jealous type because that can ruin your relationship.

This morning, I found myself looking at my boyfriend’s computer and I felt horrible because I see all these girls names in his history feed. I confronted him about it and he told me the right things. I am not sure if I should believe him but I know this is the guy I want to believe and be with. So, until I find out something different I will keep my calm and try to believe everything he tells me…

Top 4 golfers I would love to meet.

Number golfer I would love to meet is Tania Tare. I know she is still working on her LPGA but her trick shots are amazing! I am a beginner golfer and this sport comes naturally to me. Its crazy how I am barely learning and I only played 10 times. However, ever since my uncle showed me Tania Tare on YouTube, I want to do tricks like her.

Secondly, I would love to meet Rory Mcilroy. Why?!?! because I love him! lol (I have a boyfriend) but still he knows my love for Rory lol. I would also love to golf like nine holes with him.

Third, Jordan Speith, just because he is the best golfer out there right now!!! Also, I know he is married but HOT ALERT! lol (I am watching Morning Drive and Feherety right now) Anyways back to Speith… he is amazing and I would honestly love to see him play with my boyfriend at WeKoPa McDowell, Arizona.

Lastly, Tiger Wood! I mean who wouldn’t want to golf with him? He was all over Morning Drive and everyone’s top topic to talk about when he started to golf again. He seems so chill and I am not in love with him but I am in love with his golf swing.

 

I know I didn’t give much detail of each player but these are my top four picks. Who would you pick and why??

another day…

Today, I woke up at 5 am because that is when my boyfriend leaves for work. Then I found out my ambulance bill came in. Maybe that is another day of telling you that crazy story. However, this morning I woke up late because I have a really bad cold and it sucks. I need to start studying but all I can worry about it money. I have little money and I have so much to pay for. I am a low budget kind of girl but the world is costing me so much. The struggles of being twenty-two years old and still in college. I hope one day the world turns around helps me out. I know I am very privileged but sometimes things are hard and I know I will overcome them but they are still hard to get through. I just wanted to say I started a fivver.com and I am very excited.

The day I started to trust him…

Lately, my boyfriend and I have not been seeing eye to eye with him being so nice to everyone and I mean everyone like GIRLS! Not just girls but his exes and stuff. I didn’t know he was so close to them and that got to me because I had so many boyfriends that cheated on me to those types of girls. We started to talk about him and I knew I had to get over it because he is so different. Well, I hope he is different because I know every girl tells everyone their boyfriends are different. Anyways one day, I went to go out to drink and I came back to his house super drunk and we talked and talked and talked. blah blah blah you know how drunk broken heart girls are. I was crying… I was screaming… and stuff…

So, after that night I started to act weird for the next few days and I noticed how unhappy he was and how unhappy I was. So, I decided if I don’t change my mind he would leave. I didn’t want him to leave. I caved in and told him I was sorry and I want to trust him and stuff like that. Should I have no caved in? I want to see this guy in my future.

Oh, by the way, I can’t just tell him to stop talking to this girl because he WORKS with her! Do you know what goes through my mind!?!?? I think he goes to her and they start to make out and all that stuff. I have the best imagination, right? lol Anyways, I use to go to his work and play golf but I wanted to stop going to his work because I didn’t want to see her. (side note: I thought well if I go to his work more, maybe she’ll get through her head that maybe “maybe I should leave him alone and not text him”) That’s why I keep going back.

I have so much to say about this but it is getting me mad and I shouldn’t get mad because nothing has happened. or maybe… I am not sure

I told myself, I need to trust him or else I am going to lose him. So, now I am trying to not look at his phone when he is on it. I am trying to not think about his exes or the people he used to like. I am trying to not care but I do. Every day I have so many conversations with myself. So… I started to trust him and hopefully he doesn’t ruin my heart because I feel like he is the guy he is going to break me.

This post probably doesn’t make sense because I am just writing and posting.

Need help

I have a boyfriend and when I first started to date him, I knew I wanted to be with him for a long time. Even before we started to date and he asked me out I made him wait for a couple of months and told him if we date we are in this for the long haul. However, my past relationships made me think this relationship won’t work. I have always been cheated on and so when I get this feeling I know something is wrong. One day, I felt off and then I noticed this is the feeling I’ve always had when someone cheated on. I looked through his phone one morning when he was in the shower and he was messaging this girl he works with and I found out this was the girl I have been talking too. More like he has encouraged me to talk to her. He was the one that helped her get over her fiancee. They still talk about everything and they talk about me also. She knows about me but I have no trust in him anymore because he didn’t tell me who she was. I have a lot going through my head right now and I just need help. He always tells me I am the one and he is going to prove it. He tells me I know what you’ve been through and I told you I am here for the long haul.

Help me.